Psychology of Grief and Process of Grieving-A Perspective

General

1. Grief is the intense emotional and physical reaction that an individual experiences following the death of a loved one. It is characterized by deep sadness and an intense yearning to be with that person again. Bereavement is a normal human experience with the majority of the people adapting overtime to their loss and grief. However, it remains an extremely painful period, which can take weeks or even months if not years.

Components of Grief  

2. Grief can be broadly broken into following three components :-

2.1 Loss  Death of any loved one brings the loss of so many other things i.e emotional support, financial support, social support or moral guidance etc.

2.2 Change  Its an inevitable consequence of loss and how much change the person has to navigate will depend on how much their lives overlapped with the loved one.

2.3 Control The bereaved have little or no control over the circumstances surrounding the death. It makes them feel lonely and vulnerable.

Stages of Grief  

3. For few days after the passing of a loved one a person normally fluctuates between following emotional states :-

3.1 Denial  State of disbelief and numb feelings- " I must be dreaming", "This can't be true".

3.2 Anger  Person keep asking questions -Why me? Why He/She? 

3.3 Guilt Could I have done anything better? Could this have been prevented?

3.4 Depression Extremely distressing thoughts. Lack of motivation to do anything.

3.5 Acceptance Comes to accept the reality of the loved one's permanent loss.

3.6 Closure There may not be an absolute closure even after acceptance, the memories may keep coming and going but the intensity of emotion will greatly subside.

Characteristics of Grief  

4. Grief as an emotion has certain peculiar characteristics :-

4.1 No two people will experience the loss of a loved one in the same way. Even the expression of grief will vary from person to person. 

4.2 Grief normally follows a wave like pattern, wherein, the intensity and frequency of waves lessens with time, even though ' trigger waves' accompanied by heightened emotions, can occur at any time, even years later. The triggers could be anything from hearing a song to seeing a photo of the loved one. Trigger waves are normal and are not a sign that they are getting worse.

4.3 While grieving is an individual process and everyone does it at their own pace, in their own way, ideally it should not be done alone, especially immediately after the tragedy. Death being a public loss, it is important for people to acknowledge their loss and frustrations and talk about it openly to their loved ones.

4.4 It is not overbearing, all encompassing emotion, instead, it comes and goes.

Challenges  

5. Grieving is a very intense emotion and complex process. People face numerous challenges in grieving :-

5.1 Lack of training/ awareness of social etiquettes to be followed in such a situation.

5.2 Difficulty in finding the right words to communicate the feelings to the bereaved person and vice versa.

5.3 Cultural/Social differences in the customs followed for grief by different communities.

5.4 Reliving the memories for the benefit of others could be the hardest thing for the bereaved person. But the bereaved needs to remember that the people have cared to reach out and its not easy for them either as nobody ever gets taught to have these conversations.

6. Some Practical Tips

6.1 There can not be a timeline for grieving.

6.2 It is never too long or too short to grieve. Its a personal need and decision.

6.3 There is no right way to grieve. There is no one thing which works for everyone.

6.4 It is okay to feel frustrated and irritated.

6.5 Grief and joy can coexist, they don't have to be exclusive of each other. In fact, to survive grief you need bouts of joy, like a swimmer has to come up for oxygen while swimming. Its okay to smile, to watch your favorite TV show, to play a song, while grieving. 

7. Conclusion  Normally, people are advised to take time off or find solitude or even go back to work or  to be with people. But there is no ideal way to grieve, as different things work for different people. One may try bit of everything and see what works best for him and keep doing more of it.